He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
