she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
