YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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