babies were throwing up all over the place
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
