This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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