i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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