ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
