Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
