if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just tell him i said nine months
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
