You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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