I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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