I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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