somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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