I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
