How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
