At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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