Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
