You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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