You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
