Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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