i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
