You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Randomize
