You really coming over, don't trick.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
