I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
