I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
