I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
