Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
