life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
