U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
