very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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