What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
