dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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