Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
