Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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