forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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