well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I stole a fireplace last night.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
