I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
