I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
