you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
