I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
