Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
