im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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