He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
