I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
