i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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