I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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