so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
