i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
