i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
