He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
