I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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