Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
