He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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