There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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