the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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