Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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