why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
