That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
