fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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