I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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