were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize