Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
