yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
