Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
