I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
