I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
