Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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