Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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