When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Two words: nipple clamps
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