OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
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