What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i love accidental penises.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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