what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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