We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
