FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
